I Miss You

I miss you.

Without a doubt, I do. I have longed to see you smile, to hear you laugh, to feel your breathe, to hold you in my arms once again. I’m sorry for everything that I have done. Hurting you was a regret, darling. I wanted us to enjoy lives, like it was back then. Even if it means that I only befriend with you.

You’re a mystery.

I fell for you. Incredibly in love with you though I know it was just me who felt that way. Blame me for falling into you, broken the line we already drew. It came without realize and grew in a blink. I cannot control it somehow.

It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let us be this way. Believe me, I am trying so hard to let it go. To let it fly far away from me. It is just so hard. But I have to learn it for the sake of our own good.

You are the best thing that ever happens to me, and I just can’t lose you. I will always be your friend.

In a Relationship

Being in a relationship makes you feel like you are the happiest woman alive in this entire world. No ordinary woman would resist a charming handsome man who could give you his whole heart. Then again, that charming handsome man is a rare. Often, we fell in love with an ordinary simple yet loving man. Of course, the good look is a bonus. So does the money.

However, being “in” a relationship causes a lot thing. It is not only about being glued to your man, or saying “I do”. Ironically, it’s about understanding and toleration. As I writing this, I am reflecting over a few mistakes done by many women, including me.

Awkwardly, women tend to think that they are being sweet and caring, when actually, they don’t. A common things are, we, woman loves to rush things up. Why need to rushing things up when you knew he is completely insane over you. Take it easy girls, and go on with the flow. Rushing the relationship you had into a marriage or planning the next 5 years future per se, will only put your relationship into a risk. A man obviously, will be annoyed. Save the best for the last, girls. Bear it in mind, when a man’s ready, then, he’ll lead.

Taking control of his life, too, will knock your newly born relationship at stake. Men hates to be in control of their life, and been said about what to do and what not to do. Women shouldn’t control their life, as we are too, hates to be controlled. Just let they do what they love to do, let they have their personal space, guys night out, and pick their own shirt. A girlfriend “is” a girlfriend, not a mother.

Instead, go along with his lifestyle. Don’t be a fool weeping on a couch on Friday night when his spending the night watching football with his friends, or freak out when he went to a bookstore, accusing him dating other woman. Let loose. The least you can do is share his interests and never stop him from doing what he likes. Support him.That way, you will have a balance and fun conversation. You wouldn’t want a boring so-called-out-of-things-to-say date, wouldn’t you?

Stop pretending. Just be yourself, don’t faking it. Let he fall in love with you for who you are.

I too, lost a man I loved but that doesn't mean the end of it. Learned from your mistakes. Soon, it'll find you.

For whatever reason it is, loving doesn’t mean owning. So, let’s live life to the fullest. Let your heart take you to somewhere you belong. Don’t search for it. 

untitled.

Tentu kau tak faham rasanya, bukan?
Ah, masakan kau dapat memahami perasaan itu sedangkan aku hanya bersekedudukan dengan nafsumu sahaja. Aku Cuma melengkapi segenap ceruk kosong yang ditinggalkan, atau yang masih belum pernah di isi itu. Entahlah.

Betapa sakit rasa hati ini dipukul dek permainan selamatmu. Aku dah cukup bersabar dengan kerenah kau. Mungkin kau juga begitu. Mungkin juga ada aku menyakiti kau. Tapi, tetap aku dipersalahkan atas segala-galanya. Pertuduhan tanpa bukti, penghinaan demi penghinaan, apa saja, kau lontarkan segala rasa marah dan benci. Aku, hanya mampu memendam rasa ini.

Biar aku ini jalang di matamu, tapi, aku tetap punya harga diri dan maruah. Tetap aku mengharapkan layanan mesra dari kau. Seperti dulu. Ya, beberapa bulan dahulu. Aku rindu setiap langkah yang kita atur bersama. Aku dan kau. Berdua kita sempurnakan jiwa yang kosong. Sekurangnya, itulah kita pada aku.

Dulu, aku akan setia melangut di depan skrin komputer riba murah ini, menunggu saat lelaki kesayangan itu hadir bersama di alam maya. Ya, setiap hari untuk beberapa bulan itu hingga aku hanyut di buai perasaan bersamamu. Aku bahagia.

Sekarang, aku hanya memandang sepi skrin ini, tiada lagi rasa gembira atau berdebar, cuma secebis pengharapan yang masih aku sisipkan. Kiranya agar kau belum membenihkan rasa benci ke atas aku. Gila lah. Tentunya kau dah mula membenci atas sebab yang aku sendiri tak tahu. Jika bukan, masakan kau semakin dingin. Atau mungkin kau dah bosan.

Ya, sudah pasti. Tentunya kau dah bosan. Pernah sekali, dalam nada sinis kau gelarkan aku membosankan. Macam mana aku boleh terlupa ya? Mungkin kerana aku sendiri mahu menafikannya.

Dan… macam mana juga aku boleh terlupa yang kau telah punya kekasih hati. Seorang yang kau sayang sepenuh hati, aku kira. Aku hampir pasti, tentunya kau bahagia sekarang.

Baguslah. 

~ Losing Hope ~

For everything you have said and done,

I forgave you.

For every tears dropped,

I never blamed you.

For all those hard times,

It is all because of you.

Truth is,

I can never pull you out of my mind,

Nor I can stop loving you.

I have found myself,

Pour all my love to you,

Cherish all my soul over you.

I just can’t resist,

Being apart from your glance.

For once, I want you to remain,

Who you ought to be.

For once, I would like to stay in your eyes.

For once, please let me stay in your heart.

Just, for once.